the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
