I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
