I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
