Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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