I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
