is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
