Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
