Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
