Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
