You work out of a Hotel?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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