How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
