You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
