you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
