I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
