he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
