Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
