So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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