I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
