i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
