Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
