If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
