no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
