Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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