Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We left the knife in your bed.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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