put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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