Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
