i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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