dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
