I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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