there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just want nice things and good sex
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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