be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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