I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
