My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
