you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
