this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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