You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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