Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
