it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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