I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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