I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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