so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
