i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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