her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
