"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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