he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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