Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
