your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
