I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
