Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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