How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
