dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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