all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
