Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
