Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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