i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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