Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
