just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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