she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
